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Monday
Feb012016

The Road to Hell

Mufasa and I get along just fine until you put us in the same car. Generally we live and work together in perfect harmony but on the rare occasions that we are forced to share a ride the whole thing starts to unravel. We can manage short local trips to the grocery store etc. but we learned early on that carpooling to the office might save the ozone layer at the expense of our marriage.

Last week we had to bite the bullet on a long drive to Sarasota. I think we would have been OK if the weather had co-operated but unfortunately we were forced to cross from the east coast of Florida to the west in TORRENTIAL RAIN. I made the mistake of checking weather and traffic reports before we left so I knew EXACTLY how many accidents and how many people had already died that day!  Only twenty minutes into the journey I was wishing I had cancelled the trip.

Mufasa thinks if he is driving at 5 miles OVER the speed limit he is CRAWLING along. Never mind that we cannot see ten yards in front as everything is white but what we CAN see are the overflowing canals to both sides of the road – the ones that we are certainly going to drown in when he hydroplanes off the road.  Naturally we do not have the emergency belt cutter and windscreen hammer basher kit on board. Another error I decide to correct if we survive this ordeal.

Because our trip was in part to celebrate my Birthday Mufasa tried EXTREMELY hard not to get snappy with me and my neurotic behavior. He smiled sweetly and took his foot off the gas every time I panicked and he did not lose his temper as I kept up a three hour running commentary about how much danger we were in, how sure I was that we were imminently going to plunge into gator infested waterways, or plough headlong into the car (that we couldn’t see) in front of us.

As I white knuckled my way through this MISERABLE experience I was periodically able to laugh at myself and our situation until I remembered that Mufasa had recently mentioned that if we are ever able to retire he wants to DRIVE ACROSS AMERICA!!! When we arrived safely in Sarasota I asked him how he could possibly imagine that Route 66 was a viable scenario with me as co-pilot? To which he replied that his plan was to drug me so that I would sleep through it all and awake at each stop point rested, relaxed and ready for action. The man has LOST HIS MIND – that is simply NEVER going to happen - He will be doing that particular road trip to hell alone or with Rockstar & Genius while the risk averse Jewish  Mother boards a nice safe flight to the same destination.


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