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Pearls of Wisdom

There is a fine line between nonchalance and neurosis.

I just crossed it.

An hour ago I was in a PERFECTLY peaceful state and then Genius called to tell me he is having oral surgery tomorrow. I highly doubt it will happen that quickly as he hasn’t even had a consultation yet but in any case all that means is that the few days between now and the actual event will be an eon of misery; hours and (endless) hours for me to ponder all the things that could possibly go wrong.

I realize that people have their wisdom teeth removed all the time without any serious consequences but Jewish mothers don’t focus on statistics they focus on the fact that they are thousands of miles away and can’t spoon-feed their sons with chicken soup.

Other things to obsess about are:

How will he get home from the hospital?

It’s FREEZING in NYC right now so he is sure to get sick right after the surgery.

Who will call 911 if the bleeding won’t stop?

And on and on it goes, a never-ending list of anxiety-inducing, sleep-preventative topics.

It was SO much easier when the boys were little. In those days I was under the (mistaken) impression that I was in total control and could keep them from all harm. Those heady days of self-deception when I truly believed that my babies were safe because I was doing such a great job of looking after them when in fact I was just INCREDIBLY lucky.

I wish all this worry burned calories and killed my appetite – at least there would be a pay off. But NO in the one hour since Genius delivered his news bulletin I’ve managed to stress eat enough to sustain a small African nation. I now have terrible indigestion and will be awake half the night, which is actually a good thing - because what sort of mother can have a good night’s sleep knowing her beloved child is going to be mutilated the following day? Of course Mufasa will sleep beautifully. He is not the SLIGHTEST bit concerned about the impending butchering. And why should he be? When you are married to crazy it’s like a get out of jail free card. You get to be the calm sane one, the rock, and the voice of reason. The stable half of the relationship, dispensing pearls of infinite wisdom (like “STOP worrying about it -there is NOTHING you can do.”)


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