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I’m CONVINCED I’ve developed a serious (possibly life threatening) allergy to Mondays.

Every Monday morning I wake up with the same symptoms; nausea, lethargy, depression, headache and SEETHING RESENTMENT.

I fumble through the day focused only on how soon it will be over and deliberating the necessity of a doctor’s appointment, as I feel so lousy. But MIRACULOUSLY every Tuesday morning I am cured. Completely returned to my energetic, positive, natural state of joy and gratitude.

Today is Saturday. Saturday is a good day because it is more than a day away from Monday but it’s not as good as Friday. Friday is the happiest day in the world; full of the promise of the weekend stretching endlessly ahead, a host of possibilities for relaxation and fun, but no sooner have you blinked and the whole thing is over and it’s Monday AGAIN.

Just the word Monday is full of negative connotations so I’m wondering what would happen if we simply renamed the order of the weekdays to be Friday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Monday? I believe the world would instantly be a happier place because let’s face it even a HOLIDAY Monday is NOT as exciting as a Holiday Friday.

The problem with Holiday Mondays is that the accumulated pain of Mondays past renders them tainted and of course you can’t totally enjoy a Holiday Monday because you’re already thinking about back-to-work Tuesday.

I actually LOVE my job so why are Mondays so traumatic? Is it just a rebellious reaction to being part of Corporate America?

The condition is obviously contagious, as Mufasa has started exhibiting all the same Mondayitis symptoms. The two of us are such a pair of MISERIES on a Monday that I’m not sure how others can stand to be around us except that they are probably all equally unhappy and therefore oblivious to our black moods.

Rockstar is immune to Mondayitis as he is self-employed. Every day of the week is exactly the same to him. He can go to the movies or the beach on a Monday but might have to work sixteen-hour days over the weekend. Is this better? ABSOLUTELY NOT.

The thought of being unable to contain and attribute my illness to a single working day is simply terrifying. A week without structure? A week without the heady prospect of a Friday seductively inching closer with every passing hour? Not for me – I’ll keep my Miserable Mondays and stock up on painkillers and placebos.

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Reader Comments (1)

Love the new renaming of the order of the weekdays. Maybe reorder Saturday and Sunday too since Sunday is another depressing day. But that may not be an issue anymore since it no longer precedes Monday.

August 10, 2014 | Unregistered CommenterR Feldman

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