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Friday
Aug032012

Optical Illusions

There is a VERY good reason not to divorce your long-suffering spouse of twenty-five plus years and replace him/her with what (initially) may appear to be a more copacetic version of a long term partner.

The reason is this - Older People are a little weird and eccentric and it's a LOT easier to tolerate strange behavior from the person that you have known and loved for a CONSIDERABLE period of time, than it is to be dealing with it when demonstrated by a relative stranger. Don't kid yourself that you personally are not exhibiting any traits of this weird and eccentric behavior because I can ASSURE you that if you are close to fifty (or older) you absolutely ARE doing some CRAAAZY stuff and if your True Love has not pointed it out it is only because they are well aware that their own behavior is also a little 'off-color' at times.

Last night Mufasa decided to watch the Olympics and as it was quite late (9.25) and I was going to sleep he needed to use the headphones. Unfortunately the day before I had unplugged them (because their location on the credenza bugs me - Dishy/Crazy # 1) and somehow the wire had disappeared. In an effort to retrieve it Mufasa pulled out the credenza and looked behind the TV and that's when everything disintegrated.

Mufasa "What are all these wires doing here?"

Dishy " What do you mean?"

Mufasa "ALL THESE WIRES? THEY WEREN'T HERE BEFORE?'

Dishy (walks over to take a look) " What do you mean they weren't there before - those are all the TV/DVD/Speaker wires of COURSE they have always been there"

Mufasa "No you are WRONG there were NEVER this many - I know what's going on here, this is Rockstar isn't it? He's been here and changed everything around it just drives me MAD when he does this."

Dishy (thinking that Mufasa actually is QUITE mad but trying hard to remain calm) SERIOUSLY? YOU ARE SAYING THAT ROCKSTAR CAME TO THE HOUSE TODAY AND JUST ADDED A WHOLE BUNCH OF EXTRA WIRES TO OUR TV SET UP? YOU ARE INSANE YOU HAVE TOTALLY LOST THE PLOT - YOU ARE HALLUCINATING (Calm didn't last that long - Dishy/Crazy # 2)

Mufasa "Just find me the headphone wire."

Dishy (reaching behind cabinet locates it in two seconds flat) "Here it is"

Total silence ensues - order is restored. Mufasa is happy and watching the olympics like the above never took place.

Of course I'm not going to let THAT slide (Dishy/Crazy # 3)

Dishy (plucking headphones off Mufasa) "Are you happy now?"

Mufasa (big grin) "Yes very"

Dishy "So the little meltdown is over? Not dreaming up any more scenarios about your son entering the premises with the sole intent of screwing up our AV system?"

Mufasa (big sheepish grin) "No"

Now consider this : After a lifetime of shared memories, raising kids, family vacations, romantic dinners, the rough the smooth, the good the bad and the ugly these amusing little incidents are just another thread in the rich tapestry of your life together, but if someone you had just started dating was having these sorts of Optical Illusions I am willing to bet you would be pretty terrified and inclined to run RATHER fast in the opposite direction or at the very least back to your Match.com profile to add the following disclaimer:

'Seeking distinguished Gentleman age 50-60, solvent with good sense of humor - no crazy behavior tolerated'

Good luck with that.


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