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Return to Slender

Sometime last year I finally got back down to a weight that doesn't depress me every time I stand on a scale or look in a mirror. Since that first moment of EUPHORIA when I saw the needle hover on the heady number of 125 it has been a CONSTANT battle to maintain it. In fact maintaining that weight has been TWICE as hard as losing the unwanted pounds in the first place.

It is too easy to get blase and at my age it only takes a few back-to-back days of overindulgence for an extra FIVE pounds to magically appear. The trick is to weigh yourself EVERY SINGLE DAY - forget the stupid advice from diet gurus to only weigh yourself once a week - that's INSANE - do you know how much damage can be done in just one week? 

I wonder if I am the only person who talks to my scale? Well it's not really talking, more like screaming. It's a daily ritual and please note there is a tried and tested technique to weighing yourself as follows:

1. Remove every possible item of clothing and accessory - even a hair scrunchie could give you a false reading.

2. Only weigh yourself FIRST thing in the morning AFTER using the bathroom and before talking a shower because the water absorbed by your skin might make you heavier.

3. Breathe in and step gently onto the scale being careful to distribute your weight evenly.

4. Only use a digital scale.

5. Anticipate what weight you will be REALISTICALLY (before you look down) ie. if you ate six slices of cheesecake yesterday anticipate a weight that is four pounds heavier than the previous day, that way when you are only two pounds heavier you will be overjoyed and most important MOTIVATED to eat well that day and banish the new pounds.

6. If the number you see is more than you anticipated by all means jump up and down, scream, curse and kick the scale. (this will convince your spouse that you are COMPLETELY mad but at least all that activity will burn a few calories.

7. Get on and off the scale ten more times to see if you get a different result. If not change the scale battery and try again. If it's still the same face the facts - chicken broth and celery sticks for the next three days.

8. If by some MIRACLE you weigh lighter than anticipated, leap into the air, fist punching and shrieking YAY (more calories burned) and start what promises to be a perfect day determined to eat well and lose another 3 pounds. 

The purpose of being under your goal weight is so that for at least some of your life you can enjoy wholeheartedly all those evil, fattening, delicious foods without a SHRED of guilt. This is the ultimate reward and possibly EVEN more satisfying than the thrill of putting on your old jeans and finding them loose.

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