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Sunday
Oct142012

Floodgate

When is the Mama not the Mama? NEVER that's when - NEVER. Rockstar left home a year ago and we have entered a new phase of our lives where (technically) because he is no longer under my roof I don't need to worry about him (in theory.)

However last night he came home. He came home because Florida Power and Light seem to think they are perfectly justified in cutting off his electric supply with NO WARNING WHATSOEVER even though his account is NOT in arrears. 
When Rockstar set up his new FPL account two weeks ago, he foolishly thought he was all set. This may have been because after he set up the account on line and paid the ENORMOUS deposit (which they will hold for TWO years) a message popped up on his screen which said YOU'RE ALL SET. Unfortunately he didn't notice the small print stating that he needed to fax a second form of ID within ten days. 

The ten days were up four days ago (on a Tuesday) but instead of doing the humane thing and informing him that he had forty- eight hours to rectify the situation they decided to turn off his power. Obviously they did not turn it off that day because it was TUESDAY and on a Tuesday you can get your power turned back on. NO they waited until 6 pm on SATURDAY because on Saturday evening they only have disconnection teams working but no re-connection teams until MONDAY. 

As Rockstar had no power and a fridge full of defrosting food he did what any smart young man would do - grabbed the perishables and came home to Mama. After several calls to FPL where I was literally SCREAMING at the Power Outage Rep. that no decent company in the civilized world would act in this way I was informed "we are very sorry that you are upset Madam but there is nothing we can do." What he actually meant was "We don't actually give a crap how you feel as we have TOTAL monopoly on power supply in this state and can do whatever we want." 
Rockstar realized that I was probably not in the frame of mind to whip up one of my delicious home cooked meals so he popped out to get a bite to eat with a friend. That was FIVE hours ago and when I woke up at 1am realizing that he had not returned I was catapulted back into neurotic Jewish Mother Mode. Of course when he is sleeping at his own house I have no idea what he is doing or when he gets home and I don't lose a wink of sleep over it. But put him back under the family roof for ten minutes and I'm instantly imagining an horrific crime scene instead of assuming he fell asleep on his buddy's sofa.

Forgive me if I sound like a mad woman ranting but I am in fact a woman only recently back from the EDGE OF INSANITY. This is because a recent flood in our house resulted in an emergency flight home from Hong Kong followed by a week of my living with twenty industrial fans and de-humidifiers that would make the noise level on the average runway sound like a lullaby. 

Humans do not have a high tolerance for noise, it is a very effective form of torture commonly used against prisoners of war. Here's an interesting experiment, put a peri-menopausal woman with SEVERE jet lag into a confined space with an unhealthy level of decibels and the result is not pretty. Add to the torment by telling her every single day that the noisy equipment will be removed the following day and then turn up the following day with the bad news that she must endure a further 24 hours of the torture. Do this for six days straight and then see how well she reacts to the slightest provocation. 

Fortunately for Mufasa he is still in Hong Kong or I may have found the need to make him pay for my misery. As it is he gets the opportunity to play the loving, supportive husband from the very safe distance of nine thousand miles. By the time he gets home he will have missed the disruption that Floodgate has wreaked on our home and our lives. The demolition phase will be complete and the house will be in order and freshly painted. In fact everything will be in even better order than it was when he left as I have been occupying the hours between 1am and 4am (when I can't sleep) completely reorganizing our kitchen cupboards and throwing away ten years worth of accumulated rubbish. I could write an ENTIRE blog about the contents of the drawer next to the fridge but post-cleansing that drawer is a thing of beauty that I open several times a day (with a mad gleam in my eye) just to check that it is still perfectly in order and not overflowing with dead batteries, coins from fifteen countries you've never even heard of, dried up tubes of super-glue, take out menus from places we would never dream of eating at, expired coupons, screws, nuts, bolts , old cough candies etc. etc. etc.

It will be interesting to see if Mufasa is as excited about the new streamlined kitchen arrangement as I am or if he will be psychologically disturbed by the relocation of his favorite cereal bowls. Hopefully he will have the sense to know that it would be extremely unwise to say anything even SLIGHTLY negative to the woman who has recently navigated through Floodgate.

 

 

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    Dish It Up - Blog - Floodgate

Reader Comments (1)

I am so so sorry to read of your awful experience.....you are truly brave going through this almost helpless situation, but only Jude would, not only survive, but thrive and even write about it.
Your are a super surviver and without these kind of disasters in your life you would have NO material for you so, so funny blog!
Miss you,
Marjorie

October 15, 2012 | Unregistered CommenterMarjorie

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